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YOUR ATTACHMENT BREAKTHROUGH
Love exposes your patterns. Life reinforces them. It’s time to change both — let's co-create
TELL ME HOW
But what if you could take back control?
What if you could see the patterns before they sabotage you?
What if you understood why you chase or why you run?
What if you could finally understand why you do what you do in relationships?
What if you had the roadmap to secure love that actually fits how you're built?
AND IT'S MAKING ALL THE DECISIONS
what if it could all finally make sense?
Your attachment style IS RUNNING THE SHOW
Here's the brutal truth
So, if you want to:
Stop sabotaging yourself from success
Feel less anxious and reactive
Strengthen your health and emotional bandwidth
Make cleaner decisions in work and life
Move through the world with more freedom, not fear
You’ll find the tools, the clarity, and the perspective inside this work.
Because once you deepen your understanding of yourself, your mind quiets, your decisions sharpen, and every part of your life gets simpler.
This work isn’t just about relationships. It’s about how you live your entire life.
Apply to work together
Whether you're exhausted by anxious attachment spirals, confused about why you keep attracting unavailable people, wondering why desire fades in long-term relationships, stuck in dating patterns that don't serve you, struggling with sexual compatibility, or feeling like you sabotage yourself from achieving what you want from life – I've created resources that will guide you, step-by-step, to decode your patterns and build the life and love you actually want.
1:1 SESSIONS
with BEN
figuring things out by myself cost me years.
Let me save you the time
amazon music
apple
spotify
where to LISTEN TO me ramble on
The podcast is where I say the things people think but rarely articulate about dating, desire, and how humans actually work. I dig into attachment patterns, emotional blind spots, why good people end up in terrible dynamics, and why so many men and women keep choosing the same type in a different outfit. If you want surface-level tips, this isn’t it. If you want straight talk and real psychological insight, you’ll feel at home here.
THE BEN JAMES SHOW PODCAST
Trust fund gluten-free scenester PBR&B hot chicken. Poke try-hard vegan pop-up. Banh mi meggings before they sold out meh. Viral edison bulb literally squid bespoke YOLO, drinking
How to PRICE yourself
Decoding Desire is a transformative course that uncovers the hidden psychological layers behind desire, helping you cultivate a more authentic and fulfilling sex life
DECODING DESIRE COURSE
Trust fund gluten-free scenester PBR&B hot chicken. Poke try-hard vegan pop-up. Banh mi meggings before they sold out meh. Viral edison bulb literally squid bespoke YOLO, drinking
the SKYLAR school
I'VE CREATED several courses + programs that will get you going in the right direction for a fraction of the cost of hiring a professional
COURSES + PROGRAMS TO DO AT YOUR OWN PACE
Ben James
Why smart, self-aware people can still end up in relationships that make zero psychological sense — until you map the operating system underneath.
My background is a combination of:
- Attachment theory
- Cognitive-behavioural frameworks
- Desire psychology & arousal contexts
- Nervous system responses in connection
- Real-world dating and relationship dynamics
Translation:
I don’t teach theory from the outside — I’ve lived the mess, studied the mechanics, and built the frameworks that actually change behaviour.
I’ve helped people:
- Stop taking avoidant behaviour personally
- Understand why desire fades in “safe” relationships
- Break the attraction pattern with emotionally unavailable partners
- Make decisions grounded in clarity instead of fear
- Build relationships that feel steady and alive without self-abandonment
to show you the hidden architecture that runs your life, so you can lead it instead of reacting to it.
If that sounds like your version of growth, we’ll get along extremely well.
Master at connecting dots, secure-ish
My name’s Ben James —, I'm an attachment and desire educator, coffee snob, and apparently "such a Capricorn" (I still have no idea what that means).
Allow me to introduce myself
Take the survey
I’m conducting a brief anonymous survey for single women between the ages of 21 and 45.
The goal is simple: to better understand the traits women are most drawn to in the men they date — and the qualities they wish those men had more of.
Your responses will help shape the research for a book I’m writing about modern dating dynamics: what women want, what they’re settling for, and where the gaps appear between attraction and long-term compatibility.
Many participants also find the survey personally useful. It can bring to light patterns you’ve repeated, traits you’ve prioritised without noticing, and the discrepancies between what you say you want and who you’ve actually chosen in the past.
The survey is completely anonymous, takes only 20 minutes, and your honest insights genuinely matter.
What Do Women Really Want in a Partner? Share Your Experience.
The Attraction & Alignment Study (for women)
Where you go from here matters.
→ Work With Me
